How to release emotional pain, thought patterns, and addictions and become a new you

What would it take to become a new you?

This is a brief guide prepared by life coaches, spiritual teachers, and healers Dexter and Alessandrina to help you learn how to release emotional pain, thought patterns, and addictions and become a new you. This guide contains the above video, the below article, and a guided meditation at the end of this article that you can use for daily practice to integrate these positive changes into your life.

All the love,

Alessandrina and Dexter…

Recognizing when we’re operating from habits and conditioning

It’s not always easy to recognize that we’re operating from a program because the learned habits, patterns, and behaviors are mostly subconscious and therefore we rarely become aware of them until we start intentionally putting our focus and attention on them.

Key times when we can become aware that we’re operating from a subconscious program are when (1) we experience conflicts and misunderstandings with others, (2) we feel stuck and unable to change something about ourselves or our lives that’s not working, (3) we feel inner conflict or judgment about our own thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, emotions, beliefs, or fears…, (4) we can’t seem to achieve our conscious intentions and goals consistently or with the degree of success that we would prefer.

95 % of what we do is the result of a subconscious program

We only spend 5% of our time in our conscious mind, actually working with our conscious intentions and goals in a direct and focused way.  The rest of the time, we react to life, people, situations, thoughts, emotions, fears, and other dimensions of relationship and life based upon the past, i.e. how we were programmed to embrace relationships and situations, or address challenges and problems by our parents or/ and the most influential people in our lives during the first 7 years of our life.

So whenever something happens in our environment and we’re not completely conscious and aware (for example when we get lost in thoughts, which is where most people are for most of the day), a subconscious program kicks in and automatically starts dong what it believes needs to be done in order to keep us ‘safe’ and ‘in control’.

Whether we’re conscious of it, or not, subconscious programs are always about survival at the core.  They’re the result of the culmination of hundreds of thousands of years of accumulated information and interpretations of experiences that have been recorded generation after generation of what would supposedly keep us safe.  Sometimes, they’re more specifically related to our family’s own experience and survival strategies; other times, they’re more generic and are inherited from the collective consciousness.

Survival hinders thriving

The moment we believe in some part of ourselves that we’re threatened, survival strategies that are deeply programmed into the subconscious mind get triggered and they start making decisions for us – and for the most part – without us even realizing that it’s happening.

How important is it then for us to realize when, where, how, and why this happens – i.e. we go into survival mode – so that over time we can release our core survival strategies and start operating with greater intention, freedom of action, and focus.

When we operate from conscious intention and focus, and no longer react to perceived threats to our survival, we can successfully move away from survival and we can start thriving.

From survival to thriving

The first core insight when it comes to going from survival to thriving is to uncover the subconscious programs in our mind that tell us that we can’t have what we want most in life, or the ones that keep us focused on all the various negative potentials we fear.

Survival is always about the past, and only the past. It’s the projection of distant, or not so distant, prior experiences, and the interpretations we’ve made about those experiences and our associated emotions in regards to them, onto the future in order to survive.

If we keep our focus, knowingly or unknowingly, on the past, and our fear of the past repeating itself, we’re not focused on the present moment, or on actualizing the future that we desire into the present moment.

If we truly want to thrive, we must change how we think, how we act, and how we feel and be willing to let go of the past.  This means changing the personality that’s holding a present time reality – that’s predominantly based on the past – in place.

How to change our personality

In order to successfully change our personality, i.e. how we think, how we act, and how we feel, we must project ourselves into a new reality and rehearse how we will think, act, and feel in this new reality.

We can’t go from the past, i.e. the emotions we feel as a result of our past experiences and which trigger our subconscious programs, into our desired future without  changing how we feel right now.

Because our thoughts are the result of our emotional state and our thoughts also affect our emotional state, in order to attain change, we must work on both our thoughts and our emotions.

When we change the nature of our thoughts and emotions, our decisions, actions, and behaviors change too.

Building momentum for change

The challenge with change is that we’re highly invested in our prior perspectives and their associated emotions because of survival and so it can take a lot of effort and the building of momentum in order to match and ultimately supersede the prior emotional state through the experience of an elevated emotional state.

In order to build momentum, we must disconnect from the old personality of how we think, act, and feel, thereby lowering the volume to those emotions and our tendencies to resonate with these emotions and even be addicted to them.

In addition, when we start focusing on thinking, acting, and feeling as if the future we desire most was actually unfolding right now, we begin to match the emotional state of our future.

The more we leave the past and begin to visit our future self and match its emotional state, the more momentum we build towards this future.

Collapsing space and time

Once we’ve build enough momentum, we can close our eyes and feel the future as if it was unfolding right now and hold that state for longer and longer until it becomes our default state of being.

Once we start to think, act, and feel like our future self more than we think, act, and feel like our old self, we merge the future with the now. We’ve become our future self, and therefore we’re no longer separate from it.

When we’ve reached this stage where we’re no longer separate from whom we’ve wanted to be, the time that used to separate our old self from our future self dissolves and we become one with it.

Practice is key

Of course, for most people, this doesn’t happen overnight.  It’s a practice of releasing the old and repeatedly practicing the new, which allows us to recreate ourselves in the present moment completely new.

If you’d like to find out more about this process of re-creating yourself and becoming your future self, a new you, and how to implement the practical steps and tools to achieve this new you, contact us at You can also benefit from practicing this guided meditation which we’ve created to help you with this process of change.


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