Online resources to help you resolve relationship conflict
Welcome. We are very happy you're here. Our hearts go out to you if you're going through difficult relationship issues right now. This page is designed to help you feel empowered, understand, and resolve your relationship conflict. We hope you find it helpful. This page is a central hub that will link you to all the helpful material we create to help people resolve relationship conflict. This information is not meant to replace 1-1 relationship coaching or spiritual counseling, it is meant as additional support. We hope you find it helpful, and if you have any comments please contact us - we want to help in any way we can.
The information on this page comes from many years of learning and practice. While we do integrate psychology into our work, we are not psychologists or therapists. We are life coaches, relationship coaches, and spiritual teachers who have dedicated our lives to learning the most grounded, practical, empowering, conscious methods of resolving relationship issues and having harmonious relationships. We've helped clients get very positive results. Much of the information here comes from our work with spiritual teacher John Jones who has gifted us with the information in his books and teachings.
Conflict isn't a deal breaker
It’s normal for most relationships today to involve a lot of conflict. Just because there’s a lot of conflict in your relationship (even if it’s daily or quite intense) doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is not good a fit. Many people can feel like this conflict is ‘bad’ and that it is hurting them, their health, their happiness, livelihood, and their children. It is true that conflict can spill over onto other people and other parts of our lives including our health and happiness. That said, just because that’s happening doesn’t mean it can’t be managed, worked through, reduced in frequency, diminished in intensity, and ultimately healed. Truly, this is possible. Alessandrina and I have accomplished this personally, and we’ve helped many clients go from the brink of divorce, feeling like there’s no way that things can be healed and reconciled, to a completely new shift where teamwork, personal growth, forgiveness, and new mutual understandings are allowing the relationship to be better than ever.
Setting realistic expectations
That said, expecting to reach a place where there is NO conflict, is not a very useful or practical expectation. Certainly, there are sages and spiritual masters who have reached a point of equanimity where they have zero conflict within themselves and with others, and this is a wonderful goal to integrate into your daily life. That said, such a sage state often requires a lifetime (or lifetimes) of effort, meditation, and intention. Instead of trying to reach a ‘no conflict’ state overnight, we’d recommend seeing that as a long-term goal, and, meanwhile, starting to shift your relationship to conflict. Meaning changing how you relate to conflict when it comes up in the relationship.
Shifting your relationship to conflict
That means no longer seeing conflict as a 'bad' thing, and starting to see conflict as something to be understood and worked through and as a normal part of all relationships. Of course, just this step can be very challenging - especially when conflict is emotionally intense. That said, this is a crucial part to resolving conflict in relationships because when stop seeing it as a bad thing, we can stop reacting to it, and start understanding it. We can stop getting blinded by our strong fear, aversion, and destabilizing emotional reactions, and start seeing why the conflict came up and how to navigate out of it. Click here for an article and video specifically on why it's useful to shift your relationship to conflict. By doing this, you'll be able to start developing an ever more refined and deeper understanding of conflict and how to manage it, and, through that process of refined understanding, you'll be learning to heal the pain of conflict and resolve and diminish it in your life. With this intention, you can start to see conflict as part of your greater process of evolution – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – and you can also open yourself up to new opportunities to maintain relationships with people that you truly care for, even though those relationships may have involved a lot of painful conflict up until now. When we don't do this, we often times jump from relationship to relationship, assuming the relationship can't work because of the conflict, as opposed to seeing the conflict as something to be worked through in the relationship that will make the relationship stronger.
Deciding whether you even want to try
Before committing to such a goal, it is common to first wonder, “should I even try this in my relationship?”, or, “is this relationship really for me?”. If you’re at that point where you’re wondering whether or not to continue ‘fighting’ for your relationship, then take a look at this article and video where we help answer that question, Should I fight for my relationship? (coming soon).
Why and how it's normal for relationships today to involve a lot of conflict
When making that decisions, it's also helpful to understand why conflict has become so common in relationships today and why it’s normal. This can give you perspective on why conflict is coming up in your relationship, and how you, your partner, or relationship are not to blame. So you may want to read this article on why lots of conflict is normal in relationships today and how society and technology are increasing the pressure. Additionally, if you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't seem committed to working on themselves or changing, then you may want to read this article (coming soon).
This page is going to be constantly updated as we build new content. We have many YouTube videos on resolving relationship conflict, and a playlist where all those videos are in one place. You can access our YouTube channel here. The playlist is included below for your convenience. Click the button on the top left of the video to see all the videos in this playlist. They are not in any particular order.
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