How to release codependency, find your life purpose, and enjoy a deeply fulfilling life
Codependency is at the root of all relationship problems. In this article, we discuss how releasing codependency will enhance all aspects of your life.
Codependency leads to negative emotional states
Codependency in relationship is the number 1 cause of conflict, miscommunication, disappointment, anger, sadness, and resentment. To some extent, we’re all codependent, or at least experience ourselves as being codependent, because we live in a physical body that requires energy in the form of food, water, and emotions in order to survive. That’s true until we’ve transcended our need for physical form.
The challenge with codependency is that we’ve extrapolated our physical codependency to the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately, this creates feelings of not being in control and not being safe when others are doing something differently than we are.
Codependency leads to the desire to control others
By experiencing ourselves as codependent and believing that our overall state of wellbeing depends on others, we become triggered in wanting to control other people’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviors, and actions in order to feel safe.
Of course our state of wellbeing doesn’t depend on others. Our thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviors, and actions are never the result of other people’s doing. They are a result of our interpretive process and our psychological state of codependency. When we focus on dissolving our perception of being codependent on others, we are now able to experience ‘freedom of action.’
Your feelings tell you whether you’re in alignment or not
When we regain our natural state of self sovereignty, we’re no longer focused on bouncing our thoughts, feelings, emotions, behaviors or actions off the collective consciousness and it would be perceived by others. We’re focusing on how we feel from moment to moment.
What better gage of your self sovereignty and state of alignment is there but your feelings? Your feelings tell you exactly what’s going on, either consciously or subconsciously, in your system. And if you choose to follow them to the root, you now have a way out of them without having to attempt to control anything externally.
The end of codependency
When the need to control things externally has ended – because you see and understand that any external change cannot permanently resolve any mental, emotional, or spiritual state you’re experiencing – there is no more codependency.
When codependency ends, it gets easier to love, accept, understand, embrace, get along, and forgive anything, everything, anyone, everyone, no matter what happens. When codependency ends, it gets easier to simply co-exist in the world while focusing on what you choose to focus on.
To know what you want…
Where you put your energy, time, intention, and attention is up to you. Only you know what you want. And to really know what you want, all you have to do is follow the feelings.
To know what you want, it’s also useful to have clarity about your life purpose. Only you know what brings you deep fulfillment in life. Without codependency, it’s easier to get in touch with what you want and the fulfillment that you get from it, without experiencing your self sovereign choices as a threat to your ‘survival’.
Without this clarity, sense of purpose, and fulfillment, we tend to depend on others for filling the feelings of emptiness in our life. We experience the codependency that often results from not having a clear direction of where we want to go, or the insecurity that gets triggered when we feel unsure, unclear, or feeling lost and looking for others to take us to ‘where we think we may want to go’…
The truth is that no one else can do this for you. Believing they can, or giving up your personal power in hope that they will is a simply disappointment waiting to happen.
Having a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment enhances all aspects of life
When you see the value of understanding your purpose in life and getting in touch with your own feelings, you will be filled with a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment in life. This deep sense of purpose and fulfillment, and your capacity to feel emotionally connected to yourself from moment to moment, will enhance all aspects of your life on a very deep level, including your relationships.
The couples, friends, families, and even co-workers that enjoy the most fulfilling and meaningful relationships are the ones who don’t depend on each other for a sense of self, meaning, feeling good, being good enough, etc. The strongest and most connected couples, friendships, and relationships are the ones who share their passion for life, value each other’s differences, and come together to complement and support each other in achieving their intentions and goals.
Releasing codependency leads to a greater ‘everything’
When we release codependency in relationship, not only do we gain the capacity to transcend our own pain and fears of loneliness, rejection, and abandonment, we also gain the capacity to help others transcend their pain and fears too.
When we release codependency in relationship, we gain the capacity to hold a space of unconditional love, complete acceptance, forgiveness, and consciousness in all our relationships. This gives us the ability to not take our anybody’s pain reaction personally, and thus not get triggered in our pain and go into blame mode when things don’t unfold the way we expect or believe that they should.
Becoming self-sovereign and intentional
Being clear about your life purpose, being in touch with your own emotional process without self-expectation that it should be any different than it is, and taking steps to fulfill your life purpose is essential if you want to achieve a state of self sovereignty in relationship, and feel fulfilled in life.
When we are self sovereign in relationship, there is more space to share love, joy, happiness, connection, inner peace, and fulfillment. We come together as one, each individually whole, or working on becoming whole, with the intention of enhancing each other’s experience of life.
If you’re interested in finding out what your life purpose is, why you want what you want, why you feel how you feel, and how this can make all your relationships better than they’ve ever been, then reach out.
In our sessions and the programs we offer to our clients, we integrate soul searching, intention setting and refinement, personal development work, and help you refine your life purpose for yourself. Find out how we can help you achieve your intentions and goals here: Coaching with Us
I needed to read this! I just got out of a emotional abusive relationship and have been doing a lot of self reflection. I have realize painfully that I am codependent. Its a hard pill to swallow but I’m ready to focus on me and heal. This article has been really helpful and I have it saved!
Thank you 🙂
Thank you so much, Asia, for your positive comments on this post. We’re so happy to hear that it’s helpful and brings useful insights to your personal situation. We wish you all the best always. Alessandrina
I read this as in a dire situation, stranded in a hurricane destroyed home with a so called fam in area that escalated control tactics. I made the choice of me and I am so glad. I have much less but so much more.
I took a qualitative leap and purchased land in the wilderness.
I had left this “fam” at a young age then was manipulated back, decades later.
Following my senses, feelings, etc, …has been a lifelong sojourner ag the odds since borne. Yet, I was blessed with various mentor guides starting with my deceased Grandpa Sam who was a boxer and very spiritual.
Thanks for writing this…it literally helped me to choose to save my life, soul as in such a deep, dark hole/imprisonment.
Not that I did not know, as defied young and later at many junctions, but this is so we’ll written it was encouragement needed late at night to sign the land contract.
A song I played on repeat that also helped was by Radiohead, “Present Tense,” …”deaf, mute, blind, ..feel heavy..or all this love would be in vain…self love…
Rock n roll out,
Pippi Longstocking