Blame is antithetical to happiness in your relationships and life. Releasing blame is one of the best ways of improving all your relationships. In this article, we’ll discuss how to stop blaming others, start resolving the pain that triggers you to blame others, and bring about better results in your relationships and life.
Controlling others in order to stop blaming doesn’t work
No matter what is happening in your life right now, and the choices that people around you are making, blaming them for their choices won’t help you feel more inner peace, joy, love, happiness, acceptance, or fulfillment.
Trying to control the people in our lives out of their personal choices, or trying to stop them from blaming us is futile, and only leads to more conflicts, misunderstandings, and pain.
On the other hand, consciously choosing to release blame can be very helpful in bringing about better results in your relationships and life.
When you stop blaming, you are not a victim to anybody who’s still caught up playing the blame game
It’s not easy to be the one who takes the blame in relationships, and starts the process of releasing pain, victimhood, blame, shame, guilt, fear, limiting beliefs, and negativity while your partner or others are still stuck in victimhood and blame. Is it ever one-sided though? It can’t be.
Surely, if your partner or someone else is blaming you, and you judge them for it, then you too are caught up in the blame game. It’s essential to embrace this perspective when you first come out of playing the blame game if you want to make real progress.
You can’t stop blaming if you feel victimized by your partner’s or someone’s tendency to blame, and can’t recognize that your judgment of them blaming you is also you blaming them. Just because your partner or someone else is still reacting to their pain, and blaming you for it, doesn’t mean that you need to start getting caught up in blaming too.
You can choose to stop blaming because you recognize the value of doing so. Your inner peace, happiness, joy, fulfillment, and capacity to feel love all depend on it.
To stop blaming, we must understand why we blame in the first place
Remember that no matter how much your partner or anybody is blaming you, the reason why they’re doing it has nothing to do with you.
The reason why anybody blames is mostly because they feel internally conflicted, in pain, shame, guilt, self hatred, and blamed too. Overwhelmed with all this emotional turmoil, the tendency is to want to blame it externally.
The only way most people have found out of their pain at this point in time is through blame, and so they use it. You don’t have to. Remember that in the midst of your pain.
When you stop blaming, your start resolving your pain
There is another, fundamentally different way of dealing with pain that can permanently free you from all pain, negative emotional dynamics, and blame.
We want to share that ‘better’ way with you in hope that you will try it and enjoy the life-changing results that it brings both within yourself and in your relationships.
Resolving your own pain at the root is the solution to stop blaming others.
When you transcend your pain, you stop blaming
Relationships aren’t easy. We come into our relationships with unresolved pain we’ve accumulated throughout a lifetime, how could we expect things to be smooth?
Maybe we’ve been criticized by others, socially rejected for being or looking different, scolded by a parent or a teacher for not doing well in a test, shut down for defying parental authority when we were exploring our way into the world, etc.
It doesn’t matter what has happened to us, we don’t need to let the past define us, or continue to limit us in any way. We can transcend our pain and all of our accumulated misunderstandings if we choose to.
Unfortunately, we’re not taught this in school or by our parents. Not that our parents, teachers, or leaders wouldn’t want to if they could, they just don’t know any better. How many people have learned how to love unconditionally, how to be compassionate and accepting towards themselves or others, or how to understand who they are, what they want, and how to get what they want without whipping themselves to the finish line? Very few.
Most of us are born and raised without any of these skills and understandings. The next thing you know, we get into relationships, and we should have it all together, and be able to manage our pain and fear, and not let them come in between ourselves and the people we love and care about? Who’s been prepared for that? Unfortunately, nobody. Thus, the 40-50% divorce rate, and the rampant violence, conflicts, and wars all over the world.
We haven’t been taught how to deal and resolve our pain at root, and thus we continue to incur more and more pain in our relationship as we unconsciously participate in blame dynamics.
Would you like to be free from blame and learn how to start resolving your pain at the root? You can.
Here are some key insights and understandings about blame that will help you to stop blaming
If you’re the one leading the way in your relationships right now, and you’re struggling with holding both your and other people’s pain in, as you slowly transition out of blame dynamics, here are a few insights. These insights can help you as you work through your own pain – while in relationships with loved ones and acquaintances who haven’t been able to take accountability and start healing their pain yet:
1. You are doing this for yourself
No matter what happens in your relationships, and how things unfold in the future, resolving your own personal pain is going to bring about tremendous personal growth and build momentum in all your relationships and life, and will accelerate you towards achieving all of your goals.
2. You are never a victim
If your partner or someone in your life is currently reacting to their pain and blaming you for everything under the sun, you do not have to feel victimized and disempowered by their behavior.
Instead, you can choose to understand why they’re doing what they’re doing – how it is not personal, even though they may say it is all because of you – and choose to resolve your own personal pain because you want to.
3. Nobody can cause you pain
The pain that you feel as a result of your partner’s or somebody else’s behavior, and them blaming you for their pain, is not caused by them, it is only triggered by them. If they are only triggering it, then the pain was already there to begin with.
This is your opportunity – we call it the ‘magic’ moment – to dig into a pain that was already there – buried in your subconscious mind – so that you can permanently resolve it.
No one can create your insecurities, feelings of not being good enough, fears, or limiting beliefs about yourself. They only trigger them to come to the surface, giving you the opportunity to transcend this pain that is limiting your potential to live a happier, more fulfilling, loving, and peaceful existence.
Remember that the next time your pain gets triggered, it will be a huge help in your efforts to stop blaming.
4. Things won’t always be like this
As you learn to navigate your other people’s pain, and learn how to respond – not react – to it, you will, over time, learn how help people feel safe taking accountability for their own pain in your relationship with them, and end the blame game altogether.
This can take some time if you are in co-dependent relationships, and with patience and consistency in your approach, it will happen.
5. The blaming parts of people are just child parts
Those subconscious child parts don’t know any better. If they did, they most likely would not blame you, or spill their pain all over you, because they would realize that not only does blame create more pain in relationships, but it doesn’t resolve their pain either. Remember that when they start blaming you for their pain.
If you need help with that, you can imagine them as a child, and forgive them for not having a better way to deal with their pain, just like you would forgive a child who spills milk all over the floor because they have limited motor skills and coordination.
Releasing blame and victimhood is a gradual process that empowers you to stop blaming permanently
We know it’s not easy. We’ve been through it, and continue to grow and evolve out of our own pain. We get challenged every day in the midst of relationships with people who are still caught in victimhood and blame games.
Releasing blame and victimhood is a lifelong process that involves re-understanding interpersonal and intra-personal dynamics and stepping into our personal power. It’s a daily practice that never ends.
If we were all ‘perfect’ – without pain or fear – we wouldn’t be here, on this beautiful planet, working this all out. We know it’s uncomfortable at times to have to carry your other people’s pain while they’re triggered, and blaming you for everything under the sun, but remember to put this temporary discomfort in perspective.
The discomfort of completely independently resolving your pain is truly nothing compared to the deep pain of living in constant blame, shame, guilt, victimhood, conflict, fear, negative mental and emotional states, or unconscious dynamics.
Have faith in the process of ending all blame. It will get better
Have faith in the process and the new perspective that we are offering here. Things do get better with patience, practice, unconditional love, acceptance, and consistency. Nobody gets to play pro golf without putting all of their energy, love, and determination into the game.
Relationships are no different. If you want them to be great, it will require a substantial investment of your time, energy, love, and commitment to achieve that goal. The discomfort that you feel while going through this process is such a small sacrifice to make for the bounty of rewards and wonder that going through the process of releasing blame will bring about in your relationships and life.
Whether you choose to remain in relationship with the people in your life who are still operating from blame, or realize that you were in codependent relationships with people who are deep into victimhood, not willing to take accountability, and that they won’t change, and choose to move on, you will have gained tremendous new understandings and personal growth.
Transcending blame and resolving your pain opens the door to self knowledge, self love, self acceptance, and self forgiveness, something that very few people have had the opportunity to experience in their life.
You are not alone wanting to stop blaming
You are not alone going through this personal transformation, even if the people you love haven’t yet come onboard with it. You are reading this article and have the opportunity to join a group of wonderful, like-minded people here cheering for you, supporting you, accepting you, and loving you unconditionally.
Your love, your acceptance, your conscious wisdom and discernment, your intentionality, and your commitment and determination to fundamentally change yourself, your relationships, and your life will make a difference.
Be patient with yourself, your partner, your relatives, your friends, your boss, your co-workers, strangers, your relationships, and your individual and joined process of transcending pain and suffering. We are all in the same boat. It will happen.
Use effective tools that allow you to stop blaming permanently
When you get triggered in pain because of blame from your partner or anybody else, remember that there are tools available to you to transcend your pain and the urge to blame.
You can use these tools in order to allow you to quickly shift out of victimhood, blame, and to resolve your pain and fear PERMANENTLY. Use your conscious wisdom and discernment and choose to put your energy where it will bring about the results that are in alignment with your intentions and goals.
Reacting from pain with blame won’t bring about those results. It will only temporarily distract you away from your pain. Work on resolving your pain by dissolving your fears at the root, and you’ll start experiencing more joy, more love, more inner peace, and more fulfillment on a consistent basis in your relationships and life.
If you’d like to find out more about the process and tools we offer as part of our sessions with clients, group sessions, and programs, click here: Services