Judgment keeps us stuck in a problem mindset. In this article, we’ll explore the 5 steps to resolving any problem.
Resolving problems begins with awareness and intention
The desire to transcend something is the beginning of resolving it. It’s our awareness and intention to be free of something that has caused us, or is still causing us, pain that allows us to start the process of understanding, deconstructing, and ultimately dissolving it.
Judgment gets in the way
If you don’t like having negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions, then the first step to resolving them is to stop judging yourself for having them. It can’t be any other way. The very judgment we apply not only takes up our bandwidth and decreases our quality of consciousness, it also degrades the quality of our discernment, and leads us to inadvertently project various beliefs, biases, and misinterpretations on that which we’re trying to understand and resolve.
The first step in any process of resolving perceived problems is to shift from judgment into awareness. You can’t solve your problems using the same thinking that first created them – i.e. judgment. All problems come from judgment. We perceive ‘what is’ as a problem. Once we’ve perceived ‘what is’ through the lens of judgment, and it’s become a problem, we get into reactive projection mode.
If it’s a problem then it’s bad, wrong, not ok, and unsafe, and we must quickly get out of it. Nothing is bad, wrong, not ok, it’s simply what it is and understanding what is is the way out of it! Non judgmental awareness is the first step in resolving anything that you wish to transcend.
Often time, we find ourselves in a state of vulnerability, feeling out of control and unsafe when we experience negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions that we feel incapable of controlling, or better yet transcending.
You can’t get there from here. That is, if you keep projecting that it’s bad, wrong, not ok, unacceptable, or unsafe for you to think what you think, feel the way you feel, or react the way you do, then you will be distracted by your self judgment. This literally means that your attention, time, energy, and intention will be consumed in self judgment.
Judgment leads to the further triggering of our fear of abandonment
When you get distracted and sidetracked in self judgment, first you’re not focusing on the solution, which is really what you want to focus on if you want to achieve smooth and constructive change. Second, and as importantly, you’re also experiencing all the ways in which you could be abandoned by others for thinking, feeling, emoting, and reacting the way you do.
This is often a subconscious dynamic, which makes it often more difficult for us to recognize that it’s happening, and thus to address it. If you don’t realize it’s going on, you’re caught up in judgment and reactionary thoughts, feelings, emotions, and further reactions.
Sometimes, all we have the capacity to feel when this is going on subconsciously is, “it’s bad and wrong for me to think this.” Or, “it’s not ok for me to feel this way.”, Or, “I shouldn’t be feeling the way I feel, I should be able to do this instead.” Or, “what would so and so (my mother, my father, my spouse, my friends, my priest, etc.) think if they knew I reacted this way?”
How many of these thoughts and emotional reactions are running through you when you find yourself thinking, feeling, emoting, or reacting negatively to a situation you feel uncomfortable in? How many ways are there for us to project our own abandonment by others for having the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions that we have? An infinite amount of ways.
Nonetheless, judging ourselves for having them is NEVER going to help us find the solution to our problems. It can’t. Only awareness can do that.
Awareness and intention are key to understanding
Awareness is the onset of real understanding. And it is only our intentional focus on understanding the underlying subconscious currents (mostly unresolved pain, beliefs, and fears) that are driving the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions – that we want to repress and suppress for fear of being abandoned by others if we don’t – that can give us the capacity to transcend them.
The pressure of the fear of being emotionally, socially, or completely abandoned by others because of our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions, doesn’t help us understand better. On the contrary, it’s what keeps us stuck in the cycle of pain. This pressure triggers many more negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions that unground us and prevent us from focusing on the solution.
Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to judge and punish ourselves out of our judgment, pain, and fear. Of course it doesn’t work. Judging yourself out of judgment only leads to more pressure, pain, fear reaction, negative thinking, and disempowering emotions. It keeps the problems we perceive in place, and without an effective and timely solution.
The 5 constructive steps to resolving unwanted thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions
If your intention is to resolve unwanted patterns of negative thought, feelings, emotions, and reactions, here are 5 constructive steps you can take today to achieve this goal and resolve any perceived problem:
1. Release all judgment
Like we said before, the judgment is only a distraction that’s keeping you from implementing a solution. If you want to resolve something, it’s not useful to be in judgment or denial of it. It can take some time to get to the point where you feel comfortable release your judgment. The primary reason why it can be challenging to do so is because we are deeply conditioned to judge.
We’ve learnt that judgment and punishment are useful control strategies to effect change. Of course, that’s a misunderstanding. Nonetheless, it’s a tenacious one to clear and to move away from permanently. And yet, it’s necessary if you want to become effectively empowered to effect permanent and effective solutions and change in your life.
2. Stop suppressing and repressing
Suppression and repression only lead to a temporary displacement of energy. It doesn’t resolve the underlying emotions causing the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions that you want to resolve. Inevitably, what’s being repressed or suppressed accumulates and build energy, and can lead to extreme behaviors and reactions in the future.
It’s better to fix the few ‘holes’ in your ship now, rather than wait until so much water has accumulated that you either spend your time trying to empty it, your ship sinks, or you have to jump ship.
Replace suppression and repression with pure awareness and non-judgmental observation of ‘what is.’
3. Observe with the intention of understanding
Instead of reacting to the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and prior reactions you’ve had in the past, observe them with the intention of understanding. That takes a little bit of practice in not reacting to our pain, and instead holding the space of consciousness for us to observe what is unfolding from moment to moment.
4. Resolve the underlying emotions
Once you’ve stopped reacting, judging, repressing, suppressing, punishing, and attempting to control, now you have a greater capacity to focus on the solution. The solution lies in resolving the underlying, and often subconscious or even unconscious, emotions that are creating and feeding the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions that you’ve been fighting. That’s often easier said than done, simply because those patterns and dynamics are for the most part not conscious to us. Therefore, it makes it difficult, if we haven’t worked at that level of our mind before for us to be clear about what’s going on. Number 5 will help with that.
5. Work with a professional who understands subconscious emotional dynamics
In spiritual scriptures, the mind is described as a ‘jungle’ that we can easily get lost in. Navigating subconscious and unconscious dynamics requires a high degree of self awareness, self accountability and proficiency. Find someone who can help you understand the subconscious emotional dynamics at play in challenges and problems that surface or recur in your relationships and life. You will save yourself a lot of pain, trouble, time, and energy. It’s not easy to completely release and dissolve all negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions that have been limiting you if you don’t know what they are, what keeps them in place, and how to resolve them at the root.
If you want help achieving these goals and more, here’s how we can help: Coaching with Us